Pop star has admitted she was ‘scared’ of being a headliner as ‘nothing she could do would be enough’.
The Kill Bill hitmaker, real name , was the closing night headliner at Glastonbury 2024 and which caused online backlash.
The 35-year-old singer was hit by technical issues on stage which caused her audio to appear muffled and distorted.
People labelled her set – which included hits such as Love Galore, Broken Clocks and All the Stars – ‘disastrous’ and after the difficult night saying ‘the bravery required to be alive in public is remarkable.’
Now the singer, who is only the third Black woman to grace the Pyramid Stage at the festival after Beyonce in 2011 and, has shared the immense pressure she was under at the time.
‘I just felt like nothing I could do would be enough for Glastonbury, no matter what I did. It scared me. I was like, well, I wish I wasn’t doing it, but I couldn’t walk away from it…’ she said in a new interview with .
And on becoming the second Black soloist ‘in history’ to headline, she called it ‘such a f**king tall order. It’s like, no matter what you do here, you will be subject to criticism. Because of who you are. But that’s life. That’s life, you know?’
The Grammy-winning artist was started ‘freaking out’ when she couldn’t see the faces in the crowd, and found herself thinking: ‘”I’m scared. I feel like I’m drowning on stage and I feel like I’m failing.”‘
But her guiding light to push through came in the form of a sign ‘through the darkness’ from the Caribbean spiritual practice Santeria.
‘”Maferefún. I love you,” which, for her, calls to mind the Yoruba and SanterÃa water deity Yemaya. “It was a reminder that your guardians are with you. Everyone’s here. Even beyond. Keep going”,’ she recalled.
The star ended up drawing one the smallest crowds observed by festival-goers despite being one of the most dominant forces in the industry.
When SOS dropped in 2022 it remained in the Billboard 200 for nine non-consecutive weeks – the first female artist to achieve this since Adele in 2016.
Nonetheless, she just weeks after the controversial Glastonbury set to ‘get her life together’. And her struggle around staying in the music industry has remained a constant battle.
She continued: ‘Every day I grapple with, “Am I done with music?” Maybe I’m just not meant to be famous – I’m crashing and burning and behaving erratically.
‘It’s not for me because I have so much anxiety. But why would God put me in this position if I wasn’t supposed to be doing this? So I just keep trying to rise to the occasion. But I’m also just like, “Please, the occasion is beating my ass.”‘
Although not all her live performances have ended in such a devastating way. The same week as her Glastonbury set she set London alight with an incredible performance at BST Hyde Park.
Metro’s called the show ‘ virtually flawless’ and ‘her live vocals truly something to be admired’ – a sentiment echoed by fans and critics alike.
Despite her reservations with the industry, SZA does have another album, Lana, on the horizon – with estimates that she will be releasing it before autumn is over.
Discussing the aesthetic behind this new release, she said she was making music from ‘a more beautiful place’ rather than ‘angsty’.
She added: ‘I’m not identifying with my brokenness. It’s not my identity. It’s shit that happened to me. Yeah, I experienced cruelty. I have to put it down at some point. Piece by piece, my music is shifting because of that, the lighter I get.’
See the full feature in the December issue of British Vogue available via digital download and on newsstands from November 19.
