I’d never really experienced or seen men outside of a soap, or , until Brian Dowling’s appearance on .
Then again, Stoke-on-Trent, where I’m from, wasn’t (and still isn’t) exactly the gay capital of the UK – or even the Midlands.
That was way back in 2001 when wasn’t even in its infancy. Big Brother was just the seed of the first plant, which grew to become a pop culture jungle.
But Brian was quite literally the only gay man many like me felt like they really knew at all.
It’s been over 20 years since Brian broke down uncountable barriers just by being himself in the Big Brother house and, since then, the legacy of that social experiment is impossible to comprehend.
Yet, somehow during that extraordinary evolution, there’s never been a mainstream dating reality television show exclusively featuring singletons looking for love on any of the major channels.
is about to enter its 10th season and still hasn’t worked out how to be inclusive for LGBTQ+ people.
Well, enter , the dating show that couldn’t be gayer if it tried – fronted by Dannii Minogue. What’s gayer than an actual Minogue?
The premise is simple – two strangers come together and kiss before they’ve said a word to each other. No names, no hellos – just a snog. Like snogging a stranger in a club but at midday and in front of a camera crew.
What happens next is up to them but, after watching the first episode, being thrown straight into the deep end to lock lips before exchanging pleasantries appears to work. After the kiss, the contestants all move into a house together to see if there really is the potential for love.
To say this has been a long time coming is an understatement. Over two decades to wait for an exclusively LGBTQ+ dating show is perhaps unsurprising – but it is just appalling, more than anything.
I Kissed A Boy isn’t even just the ‘gay Love Island’ the community has been waiting too long for, either. It’s easily the most authentic insight into being gay I’ve ever seen on television.
The cast of 10 men is a totally mixed bag of personalities and types, each of them a celebration of different queer paths. From Ollie the ‘cheeky’ road worker with an ‘obsession’ with cars – to Josh, from a family of Mormons, whose very first kiss with a man is the smooch that begins his journey on the show.
Subomi is an athlete who moved to the UK from Nigeria when he was 16, while Bobski is a former semi-professional player who threw his racquet away to become an airline manager.
Together, they celebrate each other’s queer journeys without any judgement, even though they’re essentially all in competition to find their perfect match.
When so many gay men have been crushed and traumatised by the toxic competition between other gay men – be it your level of camp, body type, or sound of your voice – I Kissed A Boy shows the unique bond and joy shared by a pack of gay men at its best.
The contestants are bursting with kindness and acceptance. Even from the first episode there’s a lot to take away from their , too – the importance of encouraging others and overcoming internal prejudices (which are perhaps particularly applicable in gay men towards other gay men) to embrace the rest of your pack.
And, until now, I’ve never seen that on television before. As someone with fewer gay friends than I’d like, I’ve only witnessed the special bond between gay friends from afar. Or heard about what that can be like through my boyfriend – who has many gorgeous friendships with other gay men.
Except, I Kissed A Boy isn’t just a gay dating show for gay men – it’s absolutely essential viewing for everyone. Especially for those who, like me, still have so much more to learn and understand about the endless spectrum of gay experiences.
More than that, I Kissed A Boy is proof that, when casting decisions are based on more than how many abs someone has, which D-list celebrity they’ve dated and how many followers they boast – having so much more to learn about the human experience is a far more enjoyable watch.
For a start, the concept alone isn’t exclusive to an LGBTQ+ format – indeed, what does happen when you kiss someone who’s been handpicked for you based on compatibility, before you even start talking?
Through the show, everyone, LGBTQ+ or otherwise, can learn the most important lesson from this unique cast: how to authentically love being yourself. Each contestant has climbed a mountain to reach their state of self-acceptance. Reached the summit after tackling various obstacles along the way: be it grief, fear, religious barriers – or even just the torment that often comes with being alive as a gay person.
Yes, I Kissed A Boy is a long overdue LGBTQ+ dating show, and absolutely everyone should come for that – but stay for so much more.
Think you’re a great ally already? I guarantee you’ll grow to be a better one from watching.
I Kissed A Boy launches on BBC Three on May 13.
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