Actress, fashion designer and now director Sadie Frost, 57, shares how she’s got through her tough times and why she’s embracing getting older.
You’re going to be in conversation at the Postcards From Midlife Live in May…
Yes, I think it’s an amazing topic and good forum to be involved in. I’ve gone through so many different stages in my life and there’s a lot of change in your ‘50s: your kids leave home, your friendship group changes, you start to know people who are passing away.
It’s sad when your kids leave home but you suddenly get all this time. I’ve always run on schedules, been disciplined and hard-working but you finally get this freedom to do other things. I think women should be encouraged to think they can evolve. I know I’ve got to make this time matter because it’s time for me to do what I want to do.
How do you win at midlife?
It’s very important to look forward and not at the past. We all look at the things that may have in some ways defined us – but everything can change. You don’t have to stay in the same job, stuck in the same exercise routine or have the same friends. A couple of years ago I decided I wanted to live somewhere where I didn’t know anyone. I felt like I’ve lived in and moved to Wiltshire. You get to a stage in life where you think that doesn’t interest me anymore, why am I doing that? You realise you created this life that maybe isn’t quite what you want. You really analyse what makes you happy and how can I be the best version of me? And then have the confidence to change those things.
How are things changing for women in their 40s and 50s?
Some things are changing but there’s still a lot of ageism in fashion. Some designers are very welcoming of older people wearing their clothes and some aren’t because they want young people to wear them. But everyone buys clothes; society has to embrace everybody. You can be written off as a woman when you get to your 40s and 50s; there’s always been a very negative commentary on being past it. Twiggy is 72 and she’s just done a Charlotte Tilbury campaign.
Beauty is at every age as well as talent, wit, being clever and living your life. I feel more dynamic and have more things to say because once you get rid of your ego, you can really connect with things.
Do you look back on your life and regret anything?
I don’t. I do reflect but I don’t harbour resentments. People tell me I’m very forgiving, maybe to my detriment. But if I had a big row with someone or somebody’s done something awful to me or disloyal, I’d be forgiving. I like to make peace with people and times in my life, because what’s the point in regretting, being resentful, moaning and talking about the bad times. The bad times exist: to have the light, you’ve got to have the dark too. I like to ground myself, whether it’s meditating or doing something that really inspires me. There are so many podcasts by people with such words of wisdom.
Who do you listen to?
My son told me about Dr. Joe Dispenza so I downloaded his book Becoming Supernatural and his podcast. I get the audible versions of books so I can listen when I’m driving and at the moment the list includes: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, Buddhism for Busy People by David Michie. Looking at it I’m like oh my God! I am in this; it’s not a fad or a phase. I like learning.
You made a change in your ‘40s when you stopped drinking and focused more on yoga and a holistic style didn’t you?
I always had a really weird relationship with alcohol because I didn’t really drink when I was young. I got married and had kids quite early. I was acting and modelling in my teens and was always quite square. Then I had a period in my life where I went out more, was social and drank – but I was also dealing with the death of my father and .Â
I was always conservative with it but when you’re going through difficult times you use drink to numb the pain. Looking back, I was never somebody who really liked parties and big groups, I’m more of a one-on-one. I started doing yoga when I was 16, meditating when I was 19 and have always been a vegetarian. I have a healthy attitude to alcohol now. I drink wine with dinner but it’s not excessive.
Your dad died at a similar time to your divorce with Jude?
Yeah, everything happened at once. I think I could have dealt with one of them but I had four massive things: the birth of a child, moving house, my father dying, divorce. I kind of lost my mind for a while. But we all have to go through periods where you lose someone you love tremendously, or a divorce, so it’s not a personal thing. This is life on life’s terms; these things happen. And it’s how you deal with and get through them. I probably became committed to a healthier thinking seven to 10 years ago. But I had to go through a lot of turmoil to get to that point.
Did it make you feel stronger?
You can’t believe you can get through it; everything’s coming at you from every angle. But you feel so empowered and strong when you do. I had postnatal depression as well and I was in and out of hospital for two years so I know what insanity feels like, and I never want to go there again because it’s scary. I try to mentor people because you understand what loss is. You don’t take anything for granted. Money, materialism, power, fame – none of those things matter. People that have all those things are sometimes the most unhappy.
How did you hold it together as a single mum of four?
Well at that point, I just had to get out of bed even if you didn’t want to. You put one leg in front of the other and go through the motions. But having supportive people around you, exercising, being outside, not just hiding away, all help. It’s tough and anybody that is struggling or suffering, it’s good to talk to people – and it does get better.
How have you balanced being a mum with a career?
I tried as much as I could to focus on the kids and that’s hard to do if you work. You just do the best you can and don’t judge yourself. What I realise now they’re older, it’s giving them as much love as possible. And not dramatising situations.
Some parents can micromanage and make it all about them. My kids have taught me a lot; they’re very smart. They’re my best friends; I’d rather be with them than anyone else. My eldest son and I are planning to go travelling around India together. It’s good I’ve got this time to have adventures with them.
Is it inevitable they’ve followed in yours and their dads’ footsteps?
I encourage them to do anything they want to do and have other strings to their bow. My eldest (whose father is Gary Kemp) was in music and is now involved in it in a different way. My youngest (her youngest three’s father is Jude Law) has gone to film school and two of them are performing. I know the industry can be difficult so you worry about that but I know they can handle it.
You had your directorial debut with your documentary about Mary Quant last year. How was that?
I’ve acted and been on film sets all my life, and was producing and directing short films, so to get that opportunity was everything I wanted. I’ve been in the worlds of film and fashion all my life so it made sense.
Then from going to that to doing my documentary on Twiggy, and not having a day off in between was just great. I’ve talked to really inspiring women for it, from Joanna Lumley to Lulu to Erin O’Connor. It’s the job I’ve enjoyed the most as I’ve struggled in others sometimes and felt insecure. And if it ends with this, I’ll just hang out in Wiltshire and finally get chickens, learn how to garden and bake bread.
You posted pictures with you and Keanu Reeves and kissing Winona Ryder recently. What can’t you believe you’ve done?
I’ve got to meet some amazing people, from the people I met doing Dracula to the other day, I interviewed Dustin Hoffman and I was blown away by that. It makes up one kind of interesting, big creative melting pot, with the good bits and the bad bits. It’s a career that’s got so many different things going on in it. Sometimes it takes a while to find the job that’s really right for you.
Postcards from Midlife Live is a new women’s lifestyle event in London on May 19 and 20, 2023. See Sadie Frost and other celebrities, plus boutique shopping and pampering: postcardsfrommidlifelive.co.uk. Use our exclusive reader discount code METRO15 for 15% off tickets.
