I shake my head in absolute bewilderment and frustration.
’s mother, 72-year-old Ángeles Béjar, has reportedly just been discharged from hospital after embarking , which she claimed she would continue ‘indefinitely, day and night’ until the ‘inhuman and bloody hunt’ of her son stopped.
The retired hairdresser had locked herself in a church in Motril, southern on Monday, and been surviving on water and energy since.
She is determined to defend her son, despite his, quite frankly, appalling actions – when, in my mind, she should be doing quite the opposite.
Talk about a mummy’s boy!
For those of you who have managed to miss the whole ‘kissgate’ Scan**l, Luis Rubiales is the president of the Spanish football federation (RFEF). He has recently caused outrage when on the lips after the final of Women’s World Cup earlier this month in Sydney.
Critics – quite rightly, in my opinion – have pointed out that the forceful kiss, during which he , was not consensual and was, in fact, a form of sexual abuse.
Rather than resigning, as many called for him to, Rubiales attended an emergency Spanish Football Federation meeting, where and described the kiss as consensual – although he apologised.
He has since , pending an investigation into his conduct.
Incidentally, on the same day as the kiss, the 46-year-old also grabbed his crotch in the stadium’s VIP area, where he stood close to Spain’s Queen Letizia and her teenage daughter, an incident which he has deigned to say sorry for.
Sounds like a nice man… ahem.
The only thing more shocking than his rather brutish behaviour, is his mother’s reaction to it – the absolute conviction that everyone else is in the wrong and that he is the one who deserves justice.
I am appalled, if I’m honest, that any mum could be so wilfully blind to the fact that her son deserves to have his actions questioned – and, in such a case, reprimanded.
Don’t get me wrong – I have a five-year-old son myself. I completely understand just how special the mother-son relationship can be.
My son, Theo, is what you would call Far more affectionate – and far less independent – than his younger sister, Immy, he loves nothing more than snuggling up to me on the sofa. He’d still have me spoon-feed him if I allowed it. A total softie, he is easy to adore.
I also completely understand how protective mums can be over any of their children, sons or daughters. Of course you want to defend them if you feel they’re under attack. No matter how old they are.
Yet, that doesn’t mean that we should defend them in every instance.
One of the most important parts of being a mum – or any parent – is to instil in your children the idea of what is right and wrong, what is acceptable and what isn’t. Especially in terms of how we behave towards and treat other people.
An equally important part of the job is to hold them to account when they do something wrong, when their behaviour is unacceptable.
Which, incidentally, kissing another person without their permission, is.
Even at the age of five and three, me and my husband Tom have introduced the concepts of to Theo and Immy.
We remind them regularly that their body is their own and that they have the right to make decisions about it – including who touches it. If they don’t want to hug or kiss us, their grandparents or a friend, they don’t have to.
Similarly, we’ve also talked about consent and that if one of their friends doesn’t want Theo or Immy to cuddle them or hold their hand, they don’t have to, either.
They should, ideally, ask before touching someone else, and, at the very least, move away if that person doesn’t seem comfortable with being touched.
Given that one in four women and one in 18 men have been in England and Wales, one in six children have been sexually abused and police recorded 67,169 rapes in 2022 alone, we feel both sides of this conversation are essential.
If I saw Theo, or Immy, kiss someone as boldly as Rubiales did Hermoso, I would be the first to question their actions. The first to step in, separate them physically if I could – easy to do now, when they’re in a playground with their friends, not so much when they’re at the heart of the presentation ceremony of the World Cup final.
But that is why I’m doing the separating now – in the hope that by the time they are adults, they will have learnt that they cannot treat other people however they wish.
Especially if they end up in a position of authority, like Rubiales was – a position I believe he clearly abused.
While being recorded on international television, he showed the millions of people watching – including countless, impressionable young people – that he could, physically, do what he wanted to a woman 13 years his junior.
I was ashamed of him, and I haven’t even met him. I cannot understand why his mother doesn’t feel the same. Why she is insisting that Hermoso ‘tell the truth’ and say that the kiss was consensual – when in fact, Hermoso never had the time or opportunity to consent.
Since then, however, with such time and opportunity, Hermoso has made her feelings about the physical interaction quite clear.
Straight after the kiss, Hermoso said during a live stream that she ‘ and, a few days later, described feeling like a ‘victim of an impulse-driven, sexist, out of place act without any consent on my part’, confirming that ‘at no time… was his kiss ever consensual.’
How are those words alone not enough to make Ángeles realise that her son was in the wrong?
As parents, we have to recognise that our children aren’t always angels. That chastising them is just as crucial as having their back.
To live in a world where our daughters are safe, our sons need to know how to treat them – with decency and respect.
And if us mams aren’t going to teach them these things, who will?
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing [email protected].
Share your views in the comments below.
